Girl Education
by Celey
Summary: Choji has feelings for a certain kunoichi, and what's worse, he's unsure of himself. He turns to Shikamaru for some much needed advice.


Choji knew that the matter could only be discussed with his best friend, Shikamaru. Sure, he was open with his father, but this was a delicate matter, and his father was likely to tease him about it. Shikamaru was always easy to find. If he wasn't at home, he was at his "usual spot" staring at the clouds.

Shikamaru heard his friend approach and glanced away from the clouds.

"Hey, Choji. What's up?" Shikamaru asked, at the same time observing how nervous Choji was.

"Hey, Shikamaru," Choji greeted, sitting down next to him and looking up at the clouds.

Silence. Shikamaru was too lazy to push anything out of his friend and went back to staring at the clouds. If Choji wanted to talk to him, he'd talk in time. Choji pulled out a bag of potato chips and munched on them.

"Shikamaru," he began.

"Hm?"

"I... uh... want to talk to you about girls." Choji stopped munching on the potato chips, anxious for a response.

Shikamaru glanced at him again.

_Oh boy,_ he thought, _my least favorite subject._

"It's Ino, isn't it?" Shikamaru looked back at the clouds, watching them float by. He already knew he was right.

"Err, yeah. Is it that obvious?" Choji said, looking around as if to make sure no one was eavesdropping.

"Cool it, man. There's only four other people that have noticed, and quite frankly, they could care less about it," Shikamaru said.

"Oh," Choji looked at his bag of potato chips, "That's... good. I think."

"It means you don't have to worry about anyone spilling your secret."

_Hmm, that cloud looks like a horse,_ Shikamaru thought.

"I don't know what to do. I really like her, but..." Choji slumped and sighed, eating a few more potato chips.

"She only likes guys that are lean and complete jerks," Shikamaru finished for him.

"Well, yeah," Choji said, sighing again.

Shikamaru sat up, so he could look at his friend and read his expressions.

"What do you see in a girl like her, anyway? She's rude, bossy, she screams a lot... Basically, the typical female. You end up with her, and you'll be like my dad. Drinking your female-induced headaches away," Shikamaru said, watching the emotions flicker on Choji's face.

"Yeah, but... there's another side of her," Choji said, "A kinder side. She's visited me a lot whenever I've been in the hospital and always brings me goodies, or at least, drops off a flower and tells me to get well soon."

Shikamaru felt sickened by the dreamy look on Choji's face and simply shook his head. Choji didn't understand women at all.

"Look, Choji, we've been friends for a long time, so don't get offended when I say this, but... it's all an act. Women only appear nice to impress their friends with how 'compassionate' they are. Everything is just a mind game to them," Shikamaru explained.

"Everybody has feelings, Shikamaru," Choji pointed out.

Shikamaru blinked, then closed his eyes, smiling and shrugging.

"Yeah, sure. And with girls those feelings make them whine and scream a lot."

He noticed the frustrated expression Choji had, then Choji stood.

"Nevermind, Shikamaru. You wouldn't understand. You've never been in love," he said, starting to walk off.

Shikamaru rose to his feet, "Wait, Choji."

"What?" He sounded somewhat annoyed.

"You're right, man. I don't know what you're going through right now. To me, girls are a drag, too much work involved trying to make them happy and everything. I don't even go out of my way to please my mom these days," Shikamaru said.

"I guess you can't help me, then," Choji sounded less annoyed with his friend, but more hopeless than before he approached Shikamaru with the subject of girls.

"I wouldn't say that. I think you just need to have some more confidence in yourself. Girls like that. If you want to get anywhere, you're going to have to tell Ino what you think about her. You can start slow, at first. Give her some minor compliments like about her hair or whatever. That'll get her attention. If there's one thing I do know, it's that women will pretty much die trying to get compliments from people."

"... You think that will really work?"

Shikamaru shrugged, "It should, but if it doesn't, well... Hey, man, then maybe Ino isn't the right girl for you."

Choji looked down at his now empty bag of potato chips.

"I guess the only thing I can do is give it a shot," he mumbled.

"That's right. And if all else fails, we can always get revenge on her, later. Start up a few rumors, and her and that Sakura girl will be at it like alley cats. It'll take some work, but at least it would be worth it." Shikamaru looked back up at the clouds again.

_Work. What a drag. She better give Choji a chance,_ he thought.

Choji smiled, "Thanks, Shikamaru. Maybe one day, you'll understand what it's like to fall in love."

"That'll be the day I've lost my mind," Shikamaru replied, sitting back down as Choji walked off.

He tilted his head. One of the clouds looked like a young woman with a giant fan...


End file.
